Classification: Comedy
For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough
to live in California, here is a copy of the California Driver's Exam, and
for those of you who do, study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving
conditions (and culture) are unique in Los Angeles, you may not have realized
that the California Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a
special application and driver's test solely for the Los Angeles Metropolitan
Area.
Here it is:
GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA DRIVER'S
LICENSE APPLICATION:
Name:___________________ Stage name: ____________________
Agent:___________________
Attorney:_______________________
 | Sex: ___male
___female ___ formerly male ___ formerly female ____both
If female, indicate breast implant
size: _______
|
| Will the
size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any
way? Yes___ No
___
|
| Please list brand of cell phone:
________.
If you don't own a cell
phone, please explain:________________________
|
| Please check hair color:
Females:
[ ] Blonde
[ ] Platinum Blonde
Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ]
Skinhead
|
| Please check activities you perform
while driving: (Check all that apply)
[ ] Eating
[ ] Applying make-up
[ ] Talking on the phone
[ ] Slapping kids in the
back-seat
[ ] Applying
cellulite treatment to thighs
[
] Tanning
[X] Snorting cocaine
(already checked for ease of application)
[ ] Watching TV
[ ] Reading Variety
[ ] Surfing the net via laptop
|
| Please indicate how many times
 | you expect to shoot at other
drivers _____ |
|
how many times you expect to be shot at while driving _____
|
|
| If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should
immediately:
| Call the police
to report the crime |
| Call
Channel 4 News to report the crime, then watch your car on the news in a high-speed chase |
| Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone
company for 911
call not going through |
| Call
your therapist |
| None of the
above (South Central residents only)
|
|
| In the
event of an earthquake, should you:
| stop your car |
| keep
driving and hope for the best |
| immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones |
| pull out your video camera and
obtain footage for Channel 4
|
|
| In the instance of
rain, you should:
| never
drive over 5 MPH |
| drive twice
as fast as usual |
| you're not
sure what "rain" is
|
|
| Please indicate number of
therapy sessions per week: ______.
|
| Are you
presently taking any of the following medications?
| Prozac |
| Zovirax |
| Lithium |
| Zanax |
| Valium |
| Zoloft |
| *If none, please
explain: __________________.
|
|
| Length of
daily commute:
| 1
hour |
| 2 hours |
| 3 hours |
| 4 hours or more
|
|
| When stopped by police, should you:
| pull over and have your driver's
license and insurance form ready |
| try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the 405 Freeway |
| have your video camera ready and provoke
them to attack, thus
ensuring yourself of a hefty lawsuit. |
|
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